Sh*t, that's fresh: Chapter 5
Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Cheeseburger
Yesterday I bonked.
Not in the same way as when I scrambled up a rock wall and nearly knocked myself out on a low hanging branch while hiking amongst the penis trees in Hawaii, but I did hit a wall.
Hustled too hard.
Burnt myself out.
Fogged up mah dang brain.
Which is actually pretty predictable these days.
Not just for me, but I think everybody.
We live in a world full of possibility with a serious hustle harder mentality - and if we’re not making sh*t happen constantly, it’s easy to feel like we might not be doing enough, or worse yet, failing.
So after banging my head against the wall (repeatedly), my wonderfully wise husband suggested I might want to step away from the screen and enjoy a bit of trail time to finish off the day, and boy am I glad he did.
Simply driving the short distance to my favorite trailhead had my shoulders sinking back into place, and once my Hokas hit the dirt, I was singing again.
Literally.
Thoughts were hard to keep up with, each more inspired than the last, as my breath heaved during the mile-long slog straight up Powerline, leaving me dizzy and elated at the top.
Then a quick pause to take it all in before switching into dance mode for a little disco down 1906, stopping only for the half dozen deer blocking the trail in front of me.
Endorphins kicking, this is when my brain goes from creative-mode to dreaming about what’ll be waiting for me.
A cheeseburger.
Or as it actually goes in my head: Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats
*tempo speeds up, but the beat stays steady*
Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Cheeseburger
And repeat.
Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats
Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Cheeseburger
Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats
Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Cheeseburger
I think you get the picture.
So in the spirit of treating yourself after trail time, I give you these gorgeous grilled Caramelized Onion Wrapped Cheeseburgers we made in collaboration with our friends at Hidden Valley Ranch.
Delicious in themselves, but I’d be lying if I said the secret was anything other than the sauce. Truly, if you drizzled this stuff on a shoe, it’d be incredible too - but please don’t do that, because eww.
Here’s what you’ll need:
ground beef
onions
American cheese slices
pepperoncinis
1/3 cup Hidden Valley Pickle Ranch
1/4 cup pickle relish
3 tbsp ketchup
sugar
extra virgin olive oil
salt
pepper
Here’s what you’ll need to do:
Preheat grill to medium high.
In a small bowl, mix Pickle Ranch, relish and ketchup. Set aside.
Cut onions into 1/4 inch thick rounds. You’ll want the rounds to stay intact, and have at least two of them for each burger, as they’ll act as the bun.
Put a cast iron skillet on your grill, add a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil and place onions in the skillet. Sprinkle onions lightly with sugar and salt, and cook until the edges begin to caramelize.
Gently flip onions and continue to cook until softened, but still able to hold their shape. Add a slice of American cheese to the top of HALF the onions before removing.
Meanwhile, season ground beef with Hidden Valley Ranch Seasoning, and form into equal sized balls (each burger will get two patties). Place burger balls between 2 pieces of parchment paper and smash into a flat patty.
Add burger patties to the grill and cook for 2 to 3 minutes, or until a nice crust develops. Drizzle about a teaspoon of Pickle Ranch on the raw side of the burger, spread evenly and flip to continue cooking for another minute, or until burgers are cooked through. Place a slice of American cheese on top of HALF the burger patties before removing from the grill.
Stack a patty without cheese on top of a patty WITH cheese.
Sandwich patties between a grilled onion slice WITH cheese, and one without to create your burger - again, the onions are acting as buns here.
Drizzle the whole thing with your special sauce, and squirt with the juice of a pepperoncini before taking a bite.
Lick fingers and wipe down with a towel, as needed.
Oh, and here’s a printable version of the recipe. 👇
Prefer your cheeseburger to have an actual bun?
Then might I interest you in the Smashburger Patty Melts we made on our Blackstone Adventure Griddle on a Montana river bank back in the day?
Here’s what you’ll need:
ground beef
1 onion, diced
mayo
yellow mustard
ketchup
Worcestershire sauce
white bread
American cheese slices
extra virgin olive oil
salt
pepper
Here's what you'll need to do:
Preheat your griddle to medium and drizzle with extra virgin olive oil.
Saute onions until soft and caramelized.
Remove onions from griddle and set aside.
Slather bread with mayo and toast (mayo side down) on the griddle.
Remove and set aside.
Meanwhile, make your sauce by mixing equal parts (approx 2 tbsp each) ketchup, mustard and mayo in a small bowl. Season with salt and pepper, and set aside.
Season ground beef with 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce and a pinch of salt and pepper. Form ground beef into equal sized balls (each burger will get two patties). Place burger balls on the griddle and smash, smash, SMASH.
Cook for 2 to 3 minutes, or until a nice crust develops, and flip.
Top each patty with a slice of American cheese, and continue cooking until burger is cooked through and cheese is melty.
Remove burgers from the griddle, top with caramelized onions, and sandwich between toasted bread slathered in sauce - remembering that each of these beauties gets TWO patties - and enjoy.
Printable version. Whee!👇
And on that note, I’d love to hear what clears your mind and gets you back into an inspired state? For us, I think it will always be farting around and playing outside.
Pictured: Views from the top before starting to sing my Cheeseburger bop.
Happy trails,
Lisa
Okay, I am crying. My face hurts. Pure delight for the twelve year-old in all of us. THIS is the voice the culinary world needs. Viva la penis tree (don’t ban me, Substack) 🤣🤣🤣